Lessons I learned in Tasmania
1. Beer is a territorial issue.
Cascade vs. Boag's
On Friday April 1st, we walked to the Cascade Brewery outside of Hobart. For $15 we went on a tour of the factory and got three samples of our choice. Note first that we got to choose ANYTHING that Cascade brews including brews, ciders, and soft drinks from years before that are no longer sold. Note secondly that by 'sample' they mean almost a pot of each drink you choose. Pretty generous! On the tour I learned that Cascade (originating in southern Tassie) used to own Boag's (northern Tassie) before Boag's had a revolution and forever more the two are competing beer companies. Our guide was hilariously ripping on Boag's for a good portion of the tour, and even confessed that when she stumbled upon free Boag's at a festival she wanted it but couldn't bring herself to do it for two reasons. 1. stubbornness. 2. she was wearing her Cascade uniform. I thoroughly enjoyed the Brewery tour, the samples, and the taste test we did (and the hat we won for identifying four of six beers by taste!) and I 100% recommend the tour to anyone who goes to Tasmania. Cascade is great!
(But between you and me, I prefer Boag's.)
2. Tasmanian night life is for mommys and daddys.
The Kids are Out Tonight
I loved staying at The Pickled Frog because it's an extremely social hostel. Our group of five multiplied into a mob of Americans, Europeans on holiday, serious backpackers, a girl just beginning to learn English, and traveling circus performers, one with dreads longer than my legs. We decided to go out and check out the Hobart bar and club scene. Walk into the bar and the first thing I notice is we're the youngest ones in there. Next thing I notice is we're the youngest ones in there by a lot. Everyone in there was with their spouses on the dance floor. Wearing club attire. Grinding. Moms and dads gone wild. Well we didn't care and danced along with the moms and dads until we decided to check out another bar. And as we were walking outside, we passed a drunken mom who took a look at us and told her husband that "the kids are out tonight." What a relief! Here I am thinking I have to worry about adult things like life and money and jobs, but I'm apparently still a kid. A kid who can buy a drink. Life is great!
3. Tasmanian dancers are violent
The Ninja Dancer
What I didn't mention about the first bar was that I got danced on by a girl who may have been wearing shiny stilts or a pick axe instead of heels. She destroyed my foot. Then an overzealous mommy whacked me in the back of the head in an attempt to dance sexily for her husband. I'd say it didn't work but he seemed to like it so what do I know. Only seconds later he was on the floor doing some John Travolta inspired thing for her, tripping everyone else on the dance floor in the process. She didn't like this as much as he liked her mosh pit worthy moves.
But this is all a warmup act for the Ninja Dancer we discovered at the next bar.
He had the tact and agility of a ninja and the moves and shamelessness of a dancer. From the bottom up, he pointed his right toe, and crossed his right foot over his left so his knees were crossed like he had to pee. He shook his hips like a single lady from this position. His left hand was not on his hip but on his waist so he could hunch his back (very couture) his right hand at his mouth so he could bite his index finger. Add some batting eyelashes and this is the groove. His plan of attack is to sneak over to any girl who seems willing (or nonchalant, ambivalent, nonviolent, or vulnerable - these are all good options) and bust out the move right behind her and wiggle the hips and bite the finger until she looks. Then, and only then when she's looking, do the eyelashes start. I had a lot of fun watching him. Especially when he tripped over a couch, turned the fall into a forward roll flipping over the couch and onto the floor, from where he popped up into the wiggle effortlessly. I could learn some skills from him.
4. I have a small fraction of stamina, which is significantly more than I thought I had.
Racing the Sun
We drove two and a half hours North to go see Wineglass Bay. We stopped at the waterfront, excited to have finally arrived at our destination, and took 298587126303 pictures and spent some time watching the sun start to set before deciding to head out. On our way back to the car we passed a sign and had a horrible realization: we were at Cole's Bay, not Wineglass Bay!!! We scurried over to another sign where we learned that Wineglass Bay was an hour and a half hike roundtrip. With the sun setting and no flashlights, we made the only rational decision to be made. We would run up the mountain to the lookout and make it back before dark. (What, you thought we'd give up and go home???) This sounded like the worst idea in the world, but we drove all this way so we had to see it, right? And as Christa and Jake frequently reminded us, "when in Tassie..."
We made it to the top in 25 minutes, and saw one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen: the sun setting over Tasmanian mountains surrounding a beautiful lake with perfectly white sand.
And if this wasn't incredible enough, we hiked back to the car in the reflected light of the sun setting over Cole's Bay.
5. Tasmanians eat dinner before 8pm or starve.
The Best Meal Ever
After running up and down to and from the Wineglass Bay lookout point, starving was a massive understatement when describing our condition. The closest town to the national park was Bicheno, 40 minutes away (which beat out waiting until Hobart which was 2.5 hours away). We began our drive just hoping that this town would even have a restaurant. Getting there was an issue because wallabies kept hurling themselves in front of the car. We narrowly missed around fifteen suicidal wallabies and two disoriented kangaroos, not to mention the scattered bodies of the not-so-fortunate wallabies, kangaroos, possums, and echidna in the road. It looked like a war zone. We did end up pancaking one wallaby, but it was already dead and there was no way around it. I'll spare you all the vivid details feeling the crushing of a cute fluffy animal's skull beneath your tires.
We arrived in Bicheno not long past 9pm, and all food was closed. We went to the beachside visitor center, which still had an open giftshop. They informed us that all food closes at 8pm. This proved to be true pretty much everywhere. Drunk food included. (If you get drunk munchies and plan on going out in Tassie, pack yourself a snack before going to the bar because food doesn't exist after 8pm). I think they felt bad for us because they agreed to make us food for takeaway. I had Blue-eyed trevalla, a Tasmanian deep sea fish, crumbled instead of battered (just to shake things up) and chips. Incredible end to an incredible day. We ate in the car. It was the best meal ever. I don't know if it was because the food was amazing, or because I was starving and tired, or because I had a great day in Tasmania, or a combination of all of the above.
