Blogpost and photos by Ross Brown
Harbour Bridge Climb
o When looking at the Sydney skyline from afar, one of the more
prominent features you may notice is the Harbour Bridge. It’s big. And
it’s the only bridge on the horizon. It also happens to be the biggest
bridge in the world that you can climb (albeit for a hefty fee). However,
once your heart has resumed it’s normal sinus-rhythm after paying the bill, prepare for it
to skip a beat as you see the dazzling views of Sydney, the Opera House,
Circular Quay, the really big tower we never learned the name of, and
the surrounding suburbs. Your tour guide (forevermore called “Crush”
because he reminded me of Crush from finding Nemo, and we neglected
to remember his real name) may even tell you the story of Oprah who
didn’t “climb” the Harbour Bridge, so much as take the elevator to the
top, and then took triumphant publicity photos suggesting an arduous
journey to the top.
The Rocks Market
o After descending from your 3-hour bridge-climbing extravaganza, you
will be well placed to visit the Rocks Market. This market is akin to
a smaller version of the Union Square Farmer’s Market in New York,
with independent wineries, bakeries, and tents representing various
local eating establishments. Americans Beware – as I discovered, it is
NOT socially acceptable in Australia to take a free sample without the
intention of buying something from the vendor (which makes no sense
to me, since the point of a free sample is to decide whether or not you’d
like to buy their products, but no matter…). You will be shot dirty looks,
and the politeness of the employee will degrade the longer you remain
without pulling out your wallet.
*Coffee – A small aside for those who take pleasure in the morning “cup o’ Joe.” If
you are one to complain about the price of a cappuccino at your local independent
coffee joint (or Starbucks), you will not be a happy camper Down Under. Your
average cup of coffee (which is roughly ½ the size of our small) will run you about
AUD$5. Their large is about the size of a Starbucks “Grande” (medium for those
not “in-the-know”). However, there is hope! Your local 7-11 – which you will see
every other corner – has an automated coffee maker which will serve you up a
steaming hot cup for AUD$1…ok, sometimes steaming hot. And they don’t always
have sugar available. But other than that, it’s lovely.
Taronga Zoo
o After you escape from the enraged Rocks Market salespeople, you will
just so happen to be on Circular Quay, the marina from which many
Ferries (one of the methods of public transit in Sydney) depart. From
here, you can travel to Manley Beach (a pleasant, if small, beachside town
with nice walks and good fish and chips), Luna Park (an amusement
park modeled off of Coney Island), and Taronga Zoo among others.
Visitors to Taronga Zoo, take heed! While you will see all of the normal
zoo inhabitants including adorable baby elephants playing with a toy
comprised of two tires connected by a canvas strap, pigmy hippopotami
that do not sufficiently clean themselves after using the facilities, and
more birds than one can shake a stick at, you will also find the Australian
Animals section. This habitat is strictly for adults only. You must
remember, Kangaroo arms are severely limited in length, and, when
one gets a “personal itch,” one must take care of business by any means
necessary. If that happens to be with one’s mouth, so be it. Kicking dirt
on his wife’s face before lying back down was completely unnecessary,
though.
Opera House
o No trip to Sydney is complete without getting up close and personal with
the Opera House. If time and budget permit, the tour is brief, informative,
and enjoyable. More than the tour talking points, however, you may be
lucky enough to see the Sydney Symphony Orchestra rehearsing for
their upcoming performance, or even the Sydney Ballet in the midst of
a class, neither of which are to be missed. You learn such interesting
things as the design of the Opera House was chosen with a contest, and
the eventual winning entry was initially thrown into the “no” pile, before
the man in charge insisted on revisiting all entries, or that one of the
smallest of the five theaters in the building is equipped with a rotating
floor (a la Les Miserables) and is equipped to accommodate water effects
at a moments notice (though I do not envy whoever has to clean it up
after each show). For those who would like to take a piece of the iconic
Opera House home with them, the tiles coating the external structure
are available for purchase from the manufacturer, but only in “off-white”
and “beige.”
Blue Mountains
o Should you wish to “get away from it all,” you may want to consider a
trip to the scenic Blue Mountains (so named for the blue tint afforded
to the mountains by the plethora of Eucalyptus oil exuded by the native
trees). On a guided tour, you will learn such things as the difference
between a Gum Tree and Eucalyptus Tree (the name), how to recognize
the difference between various types of Gum Trees, and…well, I tuned
out after that because he was still talking about trees. There is only one
species of animal to avoid on such a tour (other than snakes, dingoes,
and the many other things that can kill you), and that is Tourista Idiotica.
This creature can be identified by their apparent deafness to the guide’s
safety instructions, their ignorance to the fact that noise scares away
all wildlife, and their lack of understanding that imitating a mother
Kangaroo by hopping towards it and it’s Joey is in fact not the best way
to keep it from running away. Should you encounter this animal, stay at
least 200 yards away at all times, and do not make direct eye contact. It
may try to communicate with you, at which point all is lost.
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