Idiot’s Guide to Sydney, NSW

Must Do activities in Sydney
Blogpost and photos by Ross Brown

Harbour Bridge Climb
                o    When looking at the Sydney skyline from afar, one of the more
                      prominent features you may notice is the Harbour Bridge. It’s big. And
                      it’s the only bridge on the horizon. It also happens to be the biggest
                      bridge in the world that you can climb (albeit for a hefty fee). However,
                      once your heart has resumed it’s normal sinus-rhythm after paying the bill, prepare for it
                      to skip a beat as you see the dazzling views of Sydney, the Opera House,
                      Circular Quay, the really big tower we never learned the name of, and
                      the surrounding suburbs. Your tour guide (forevermore called “Crush”
                      because he reminded me of Crush from finding Nemo, and we neglected
                      to remember his real name) may even tell you the story of Oprah who
                      didn’t “climb” the Harbour Bridge, so much as take the elevator to the
                      top, and then took triumphant publicity photos suggesting an arduous
                      journey to the top.

The Rocks Market
                o     After descending from your 3-hour bridge-climbing extravaganza, you
                       will be well placed to visit the Rocks Market. This market is akin to
                       a smaller version of the Union Square Farmer’s Market in New York,
                       with independent wineries, bakeries, and tents representing various
                       local eating establishments. Americans Beware – as I discovered, it is
                       NOT socially acceptable in Australia to take a free sample without the
                       intention of buying something from the vendor (which makes no sense
                       to me, since the point of a free sample is to decide whether or not you’d
                       like to buy their products, but no matter…). You will be shot dirty looks,
                       and the politeness of the employee will degrade the longer you remain
                       without pulling out your wallet.

*Coffee – A small aside for those who take pleasure in the morning “cup o’ Joe.” If
you are one to complain about the price of a cappuccino at your local independent
coffee joint (or Starbucks), you will not be a happy camper Down Under. Your
average cup of coffee (which is roughly ½ the size of our small) will run you about
AUD$5. Their large is about the size of a Starbucks “Grande” (medium for those
not “in-the-know”). However, there is hope! Your local 7-11 – which you will see
every other corner – has an automated coffee maker which will serve you up a
steaming hot cup for AUD$1…ok, sometimes steaming hot. And they don’t always
have sugar available. But other than that, it’s lovely.

Taronga Zoo
                o     After you escape from the enraged Rocks Market salespeople, you will
                       just so happen to be on Circular Quay, the marina from which many
                       Ferries (one of the methods of public transit in Sydney) depart. From
                       here, you can travel to Manley Beach (a pleasant, if small, beachside town
                       with nice walks and good fish and chips), Luna Park (an amusement
                       park modeled off of Coney Island), and Taronga Zoo among others.
                       Visitors to Taronga Zoo, take heed! While you will see all of the normal
                       zoo inhabitants including adorable baby elephants playing with a toy
                       comprised of two tires connected by a canvas strap, pigmy hippopotami
                       that do not sufficiently clean themselves after using the facilities, and
                       more birds than one can shake a stick at, you will also find the Australian
                       Animals section. This habitat is strictly for adults only. You must
                       remember, Kangaroo arms are severely limited in length, and, when
                       one gets a “personal itch,” one must take care of business by any means
                       necessary. If that happens to be with one’s mouth, so be it. Kicking dirt
                       on his wife’s face before lying back down was completely unnecessary,
                       though.

Opera House
                o     No trip to Sydney is complete without getting up close and personal with
                       the Opera House. If time and budget permit, the tour is brief, informative,
                       and enjoyable. More than the tour talking points, however, you may be
                       lucky enough to see the Sydney Symphony Orchestra rehearsing for
                       their upcoming performance, or even the Sydney Ballet in the midst of
                       a class, neither of which are to be missed. You learn such interesting
                       things as the design of the Opera House was chosen with a contest, and
                       the eventual winning entry was initially thrown into the “no” pile, before
                       the man in charge insisted on revisiting all entries, or that one of the
                       smallest of the five theaters in the building is equipped with a rotating
                       floor (a la Les Miserables) and is equipped to accommodate water effects
                       at a moments notice (though I do not envy whoever has to clean it up
                       after each show). For those who would like to take a piece of the iconic
                       Opera House home with them, the tiles coating the external structure
                       are available for purchase from the manufacturer, but only in “off-white”
                       and “beige.”

Blue Mountains
                o     Should you wish to “get away from it all,” you may want to consider a
                       trip to the scenic Blue Mountains (so named for the blue tint afforded
                       to the mountains by the plethora of Eucalyptus oil exuded by the native
                       trees). On a guided tour, you will learn such things as the difference
                       between a Gum Tree and Eucalyptus Tree (the name), how to recognize
                       the difference between various types of Gum Trees, and…well, I tuned
                       out after that because he was still talking about trees. There is only one
                       species of animal to avoid on such a tour (other than snakes, dingoes,
                       and the many other things that can kill you), and that is Tourista Idiotica.
                       This creature can be identified by their apparent deafness to the guide’s
                       safety instructions, their ignorance to the fact that noise scares away
                       all wildlife, and their lack of understanding that imitating a mother
                       Kangaroo by hopping towards it and it’s Joey is in fact not the best way
                       to keep it from running away. Should you encounter this animal, stay at
                       least 200 yards away at all times, and do not make direct eye contact. It
                       may try to communicate with you, at which point all is lost.

Top five things to do with your boyfriend when he visits you in Melbourne

1. Hug
After not seeing your boyfriend in four months, a hug is a great way to start your two weeks in Australia together. A hug serves as an effective way to express a variety of sentiments, from "Hello" to "I love you." A hug can occur anywhere, at any time (but is not recommended while driving). Experiment with length of hugs, because the length of a good hug depends on the situation. While this varies from couple to couple, a long hug is generally appropriate upon first arrival of your boyfriend while a short hug is generally appropriate before going to class. A hug will make both of you happy, and it fits in your limited budget.

2. Explore the city
Melbourne offers endless entertainment for the reunited couple. Try making homemade sushi from Queen Victoria Market ingredients, exploring cheap deals in Chinatown, seeing the wild penguins in St. Kilda at sunset, walking along the Yarra, and grabbing a drink now that you're both legal in the same country for the first time. Note: it is easy to just show your boyfriend the stuff that you know. Try to see the city again as if it were new by walking into stores you usually pass by, taking risks in choosing restaurants, and allowing yourself to get lost. You may discover something new about your city together!

3. Get out of the city
Take a trip! Look for cheap flights and accommodation deals. Your boyfriend flew across the world - it would be a shame if he only saw a small fraction of all that Australia has to offer. Choose a place where you have not yet been, so you can explore together. For example, you may wish to spend a couple of days in iconic Sydney where you can climb the Harbor Bridge, take a tour of the Opera House, walk through the Chinese Friendship Gardens, visit the Taronga Zoo, grab great fish and chips at Manley Beach (explore the city). There, you may also opt to take a day trip out to the beautiful Blue Mountains where you can hike, take great photos of the exotic Aussie flora and fauna, and see wild kangaroos (get out of the city).

4. Live like you're "fair dinkum"
Feed into the stereotypes. Don't you remember how excited you were the first time you saw a kangaroo here? Bring him to Queen Vic Market and show him boomerangs and Aboriginal art. Feed him a roo burger. Point out eucalyptus trees and magpies. Let him try the accent (he may be surprisingly good at it). Get it out of his system.
Then live like a local. Grab a $1 7-11 flat white in the morning, and a 50 cent ice cream from Mackers at night. Drink local beer, cider, and wine. Sneak on the trams. Go see a movie on the discounted night. Eat Tim Tams and show him how to perform the perfect Tim Tam Slam. Say funny words like "Ta" in social settings. You know, the usual.

5. Let him take a walk in your shoes
While you two may speak frequently to ease the stress of maintaining a long distance relationship, it may be difficult for your boyfriend to visualize the activities, people, and places that make up your every day life abroad. Give him a tour. Show him your favorite spot on campus. Take him to a rehearsal to meet the cast. Cook in your ghetto apartment kitchen, showing him the many appliances that have tried to kill you. Let him see you frantically finish a bio lab the morning it's due. Read him the monologue you'll be performing for your creative writing class. That way, the spaces developed through long distance are filled in, and when he finally does go home, you two feel a lot closer than you did before he came.

No Place Like

This past month was extremely busy (as you can tell because I haven't had time to write!)

So at the start of Uni, I heard about a 24 hour movie project run by Union House Theatre (the equivalent of BTC at Brandeis) and decided to join in. The short film "Just Dance" was written, rehearsed (yes, I threw in a dance number), and filmed in 24 hours! Through this, I met Artistic Director Tom Gutteridge and we got to talking about fight choreo opportunities around campus. Thus, I became the fight choreographer for Union House Theatre's production of Chris Summers' "No Place Like."

read the rehearsal blog here:

http://union.unimelb.edu.au/theatre/no-place-like-rehearsal-blog

find reviews and synopsis of the show here:

http://union.unimelb.edu.au/theatre

This was by far the most difficult show I've worked with in terms of stunts. Aside from the usual falls, punches, chokes, and hairpulls, we had vomit, a strangle-to-death (for lack of a better term), and a scene where a spine is carved and ripped from someone's back. Gore galore!

Not only did Tom set me up with this position, but he also set me up with a fantastic fight mentor, Felicity Steel, who helped me brush up and taught me new techniques throughout the semester. She also got me started with sticks and swords in preparation for the sword class I'm TAing for the grad actors when I get back to Brandeis in the fall. I am so thankful for the time she spent with me.

And, like a good fight partner, Ross was there to bounce ideas, do demonstrations with me for the cast, and help run fight calls. But we'll talk more about his trip to Australia in another post.

Let's not forget about the cast, prod staff (including the lovely writer!), and crew. By far the nicest group of people I've met in Australia. I'm so fortunate to have worked with and learned from each and every one of them.

Spring Break Wins

(wins are listed in chronological order)

Brisbane

People told us there was nothing to do, but we had a great time! We especially liked the Botanical Gardens, the Parliament House, the views by the river, and the city's public lagoon. I also totally recommend Brisbane Backpacker's Resort (BBR) if you're looking for a cheap, social hostel.

Gin Gin

During our overnight road trip, civilized towns were few and far between. The cozy diner in Gin Gin saved us from the starvation that could have evolved into cannibalism.

Sarina

We almost ran out of gas in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere. Sarina had the first open gas station we had seen in two hours.

Sunsets

We saw incredible sunsets almost every night.

Spam
I had spam for the first time, cooked by my friend Mellanie who grew up on the stuff. Don't get me wrong - it wasn't the greatest delicacy of my life. But it honestly wasn't bad either.


Easter Feaster

For Easter dinner we made lamb chops, mashed potatoes, garlic bread and veggies. We finished two bottles of champagne. Delicious!

The Sailing Trip

We sailed on the Apollo for three days and two nights over the beautiful Whitsunday Islands with the nicest crew, the chillest passengers, yummy food, abundant drinks, and incredible scenery both in and out of the water.

Scuba Diving

I went on the first three dives of my life during our sailing trip and couldn't have enjoyed them more. The first was a short intro dive. The second was a half hour with a depth of seven meters. The third was a depth of ten meters until my air ran out. If you've never gone diving, go do it!!!

Wildlife

I saw the most amazing wild animals including hundreds of colorful parrots and fish, a freshwater eel, cane toads and green tree frogs, heaps of lizards and goannas, scary spiders, sharks, dolphins, and a dingo!

Fish Divine

We went to the restaurant in Airlie Beach to celebrate our friendship and our journey together. The seafood really was incredible.

Farmstay Company

We stayed on the farm with three older women, one who was celebrating her 70th birthday. They were awesome company, feeding us roasted marshmallows and leading a campfire sing-along. I hope I'm that active when I'm older.

Tiger Airways

On the way here I got through security with my friend's boarding pass and she with mine. On the way home, I got through the metal detector with a cell phone in my pocket.

Spring Break Fails

(Fails are listed in chronological order)

Down Under Bar/Club

Let me make it clear that there is nothing wrong with the venue itself.  We were having an awesome time until the night took a wrong turn. We noticed that everyone was wearing sombreros and fake mustaches, so we assumed there was a theme and that the theme was Mexican. That made sense because tequilas were the cheap special that night. Then we noticed leis and some Hawaiian looking garb. We asked around. The theme of the night was “beach”. Whatevs we can live with a weirdly executed theme if it meant we still got to dance to fun music with cheap drinks.

And then the wet t-shirt contest started. There were either six or seven girls involved, but only three are worth noting. For story’s sake I will refer to them as Desperate, Massive, and Brazilian. So Desperate comes out with her black rhinestone and lace bra still on, her white t-shirt already shredded beyond any form of modesty. Massive is massive. Clearly wearing nothing under her t-shirt, but at least the t-shirt is still on and intact. Brazilian is tiny and kind of cute and seemed pretty shy about the whole thing. At first. Then the music starts and the squirt guns come out. Massive has clearly done this before, as she performs a meticulously choreographed burlesque, ending the first song with nothing left to the imagination, her shirt ripped in half. Desperate started with her own drunken groove, but soon began to follow everything Massive did. I felt bad for her. Brazilian started out strong, but was so visibly repulsed by Massive’s performance next to her that she decided to give up on a routine and just had fun dancing, not showing anything. Brazilian ended up as the crowd favorite, winning the $300, her boyfriend jumping on stage to show off his prize upon the announcement of the win.

Camera

My Nikon died again, but luckily my parents came up and my dad dropped off his old Kodak. But this Kodak takes bad night pictures, even when totally still. Also, I may or may not have submerged it when I fell into shark infested waters. But it still works. (Don't worry dad!)

4x4 Rental

We were informed that Queensland had passed a new law that stated that nobody who goes to Fraser Island could rent a 4x4 without also taking a guide. Unsure of the truth in this statement, we decided to wait until getting to Queensland to book our 4x4. Unfortunately, everyone else in the world must have had the same spring break plans as we, as every single 4x4 on the island was booked. Rather than our planned 3 day 2 night camping trip, we took a day tour. We had a great time anyway, but we didn’t get to see nearly as much as we had wanted.

Frogs in the Road

During our 13-hour overnight drive, I was so excited to see the infamous Cane Toads of Queensland. However, I quickly learned that they refused to move for cars. They make loud popping sounds when they get run over. But they’re smarter than the smaller frogs who actually jump towards the headlights of the car. I tried to think of it as a game of Frogger so I wouldn’t feel so bad.

Elle's Ipod

Dolores only played the bad songs on shuffle.

Residents of Queensland

In more touristy areas, the Queensland Aussies were overall really rude. We don’t know if it’s because we came during a tourist season or if it’s because we’re Americans or what, but we rarely had enjoyable interactions with the locals. Especially rude was the man working at the Airlie Beach information center. Do not seek information from him under any circumstances. Buy a map.

The Weather

If you know me, you know I have an inability to tan and yet I love to rotisserie in the sun anyway. I was particularly looking to lay out like a reptile during our three day two night sailing trip around the Whitsunday Islands. The first day was perfect weather. Then it rained for the next four days until we traveled south to Mackay.

Nemo

I didn’t find him.

Nutrition

We cut a lot of money by eating at a low cost. It may take me years to once again enjoy pasta and rice. I never want to see another pb&j sandwich as long as I live.

The U.S. Dollar

For the duration of this trip, the Australian dollar was worth $1.10 U.S. dollars. And everything is already more expensive here. I should have studied abroad in Asia.

My Little Ponies

During our farmstay just outside of Mackay I ended up riding five horses, while most guests rode just one. One was too easy, so it was given to a more beginner rider. One was too large and didn't respond to my weight. One was too sore to go out. One fell while I was on him and jammed his ankle too badly to be ridden. The last one was the instructor's horse who had a bit of an attitude, but was manageable.

"When in Tassie"

Lessons I learned in Tasmania

1. Beer is a territorial issue.

Cascade vs. Boag's 

On Friday April 1st, we walked to the Cascade Brewery outside of Hobart. For $15 we went on a tour of the factory and got three samples of our choice. Note first that we got to choose ANYTHING that Cascade brews including brews, ciders, and soft drinks from years before that are no longer sold. Note secondly that by 'sample' they mean almost a pot of each drink you choose. Pretty generous! On the tour I learned that Cascade (originating in southern Tassie) used to own Boag's (northern Tassie) before Boag's had a revolution and forever more the two are competing beer companies. Our guide was hilariously ripping on Boag's for a good portion of the tour, and even confessed that when she stumbled upon free Boag's at a festival she wanted it but couldn't bring herself to do it for two reasons. 1. stubbornness. 2. she was wearing her Cascade uniform. I thoroughly enjoyed the Brewery tour, the samples, and the taste test we did (and the hat we won for identifying four of six beers by taste!) and I 100% recommend the tour to anyone who goes to Tasmania. Cascade is great!

(But between you and me, I prefer Boag's.)

2. Tasmanian night life is for mommys and daddys.

The Kids are Out Tonight

I loved staying at The Pickled Frog because it's an extremely social hostel. Our group of five multiplied into a mob of Americans, Europeans on holiday, serious backpackers, a girl just beginning to learn English, and traveling circus performers, one with dreads longer than my legs. We decided to go out and check out the Hobart bar and club scene. Walk into the bar and the first thing I notice is we're the youngest ones in there. Next thing I notice is we're the youngest ones in there by a lot. Everyone in there was with their spouses on the dance floor. Wearing club attire. Grinding. Moms and dads gone wild. Well we didn't care and danced along with the moms and dads until we decided to check out another bar. And as we were walking outside, we passed a drunken mom who took a look at us and told her husband that "the kids are out tonight." What a relief! Here I am thinking I have to worry about adult things like life and money and jobs, but I'm apparently still a kid. A kid who can buy a drink. Life is great!

3. Tasmanian dancers are violent

The Ninja Dancer

What I didn't mention about the first bar was that I got danced on by a girl who may have been wearing shiny stilts or a pick axe instead of heels. She destroyed my foot. Then an overzealous mommy whacked me in the back of the head in an attempt to dance sexily for her husband. I'd say it didn't work but he seemed to like it so what do I know. Only seconds later he was on the floor doing some John Travolta inspired thing for her, tripping everyone else on the dance floor in the process. She didn't like this as much as he liked her mosh pit worthy moves. 

But this is all a warmup act for the Ninja Dancer we discovered at the next bar.

He had the tact and agility of a ninja and the moves and shamelessness of a dancer. From the bottom up, he pointed his right toe, and crossed his right foot over his left so his knees were crossed like he had to pee. He shook his hips like a single lady from this position. His left hand was not on his hip but on his waist so he could hunch his back (very couture) his right hand at his mouth so he could bite his index finger. Add some batting eyelashes and this is the groove. His plan of attack is to sneak over to any girl who seems willing (or nonchalant, ambivalent, nonviolent, or vulnerable - these are all good options) and bust out the move right behind her and wiggle the hips and bite the finger until she looks. Then, and only then when she's looking, do the eyelashes start. I had a lot of fun watching him. Especially when he tripped over a couch, turned the fall into a forward roll flipping over the couch and onto the floor, from where he popped up into the wiggle effortlessly. I could learn some skills from him.

4. I have a small fraction of stamina, which is significantly more than I thought I had.

Racing the Sun

We drove two and a half hours North to go see Wineglass Bay. We stopped at the waterfront, excited to have finally arrived at our destination, and took 298587126303 pictures and spent some time watching the sun start to set before deciding to head out. On our way back to the car we passed a sign and had a horrible realization: we were at Cole's Bay, not Wineglass Bay!!! We scurried over to another sign where we learned that Wineglass Bay was an hour and a half hike roundtrip. With the sun setting and no flashlights, we made the only rational decision to be made. We would run up the mountain to the lookout and make it back before dark. (What, you thought we'd give up and go home???) This sounded like the worst idea in the world, but we drove all this way so we had to see it, right? And as Christa and Jake frequently reminded us, "when in Tassie..."

We made it to the top in 25 minutes, and saw one of the most beautiful sights I have ever seen: the sun setting over Tasmanian mountains surrounding a beautiful lake with perfectly white sand.

And if this wasn't incredible enough, we hiked back to the car in the reflected light of the sun setting over Cole's Bay.

5. Tasmanians eat dinner before 8pm or starve.

The Best Meal Ever

After running up and down to and from the Wineglass Bay lookout point, starving was a massive understatement when describing our condition. The closest town to the national park was Bicheno, 40 minutes away (which beat out waiting until Hobart which was 2.5 hours away). We began our drive just hoping that this town would even have a restaurant. Getting there was an issue because wallabies kept hurling themselves in front of the car. We narrowly missed around fifteen suicidal wallabies and two disoriented kangaroos, not to mention the scattered bodies of the not-so-fortunate wallabies, kangaroos, possums, and echidna in the road. It looked like a war zone. We did end up pancaking one wallaby, but it was already dead and there was no way around it. I'll spare you all the vivid details feeling the crushing of a cute fluffy animal's skull beneath your tires. 

We arrived in Bicheno not long past 9pm, and all food was closed. We went to the beachside visitor center, which still had an open giftshop. They informed us that all food closes at 8pm. This proved to be true pretty much everywhere. Drunk food included. (If you get drunk munchies and plan on going out in Tassie, pack yourself a snack before going to the bar because food doesn't exist after 8pm). I think they felt bad for us because they agreed to make us food for takeaway. I had Blue-eyed trevalla, a Tasmanian deep sea fish, crumbled instead of battered (just to shake things up) and chips. Incredible end to an incredible day. We ate in the car. It was the best meal ever. I don't know if it was because the food was amazing, or because I was starving and tired, or because I had a great day in Tasmania, or a combination of all of the above.

Aussie -> English Translator

To celebrate the halfway point of my adventures here, I have finally published my translator though it is still a work in progress.

Aussies are notorious for their use of slang, only some of which makes sense. While there is a lot more slang to be found on the internet, I have only recorded the words I have seen or heard in my time here. Feel free to add anything you've heard or you think I may have missed!

***Note: much slang is produced using this formula
          word - all but the first syllable + a or o = slang version
examples:
     pedophile -> ped -> pedo
     ambulance -> amb -> ambo
     garbage man -> garb -> garbo

***Note: much slang is produced using nonsensical rhymes

examples:

     frog and toad -> hit the road
     pork pie -> lie


Here is a format key to this translator:
when Aussies say this word or phrase - it really means this American word or phrase
     Here is a sample sentence with the correct usage of said Aussie word or phrase, with the term of question printed in bold.

A

ambo - ambulence

    Call the ambo now!!!

arvo - afternoon
     call u in the arvo :)


Aussie (also spelled Ozzie) - Australian
    I love Aussie girls, but Aussie guys tend to be really forward.

B

barbie - BBQ
    Throw some prawns on the barbie.


barrack for - cheer for
     You can't sit with me at the footy match unless you barrack for Carlton.


bathers - swimsuit
     Don't forget your sunblock and bathers!


biscuit - cookie
     Who stole the biscuit from the biscuit jar?


bloody - very
     He's a bloody good drinker!


bogan - trailer trash
     You're as sunburned as a bogan!


brekkie - breakfast
     Running late - no time for brekkie.


budgie smuggler (a budgie is a type of small bird) - man's tight speedo-like bathing suit
     Check out that fat man in the budgie smuggler!

bush - Australian flora
     Watch out for snakes in the bush!


bushwalk - hike through the Australian flora
     It's a lovely day for a bushwalk.


bushbash - off trail hike through the Australian flora, usually running or racing
     I don't know if I'm brave enough to go bushbashing.


bring a plate - potluck
    When you are told to bring a plate, it really means to bring a plate with food to share on it.


BYO - bring your own (refers to anything, not just drinks)
     This hostel description says that towels are BYO.

C

chemist - pharmacist
     I like my drugs fresh from the chemist.

chips - fries or chips
     The other night, my roommate fried up some great chips!

click - snap 

     If you can't dance, just click your fingers to the beat and pretend you're really into the music.

college - on campus houses, very much like Harry Potter
     I frequently hit up Ormond College for free meals.


course - major/degree of study
     People in the engineering course party hard.


crisps - American chips 
     I'll take a bag of chicken salt crisps to go with my sandwich.

D

dinkum (sometimes "fair dinkum") - genuine, true
     He's a dinkum Aussie if I ever saw one.


dirties - dirty looks
    He's been giving me dirties all night.


docket - bill, receipt
     Excuse me, you forgot your docket!


down under - Australia and New Zealand
     As a kid, I loved The Rescuers Down Under.


dropbear - fictional bush predator that Australians use to scare tourists
    Check the trees for dropbears before turning your back... :evil laugh:

dry as a dead dingo's donger - dry, arid
    It used to be a lake, but now it's dry as a dead dingo's donger.

E

esky - cooler

     I bought a new esky for the picnic. 

F

fairy floss - cotton candy
     I haven't had any fairy floss here yet, but I see it at all of the markets and fairs.

flake - shark

     Most Melbourne fish and chips is made with flake.


flat white - latte coffee hybrid
     I can't believe how expensive a small flat white is.

footy - Australian Rules Football

     Footy is far superior to American Football.


fringe - bangs
     I can't decide if I want a side fringe or a blunt fringe.


frog and toad - hit the road
   Let's pack up and frog and toad.

G

garbo - garbage man
     Garbos get paid more here than I ever will.


G'day - hello
     G'day, mate!


give it a go - take a shot
     I've never done this before, but I'll give it a go.


goon - cheap boxed wine with unreasonably high alcohol content
     The last thing I remember was the goon.

H

handle - beer glass with a handle (not the same as a handle of hard alcohol)
     In Australia I can drink a whole handle by myself without coming close to dying.


heaps - a large quantity, used like the American 'tons'

     I stretched heaps, but I still pulled a muscle.

hammys - hamstrings

     The doctor told me if I loosen up my hammys my back will feel better.

hook turn - when driving, a turn in which you need to get to the furthest left lane in order to turn right
    I don't plan on attempting a hook turn while I'm here.

hot chips - fries
     I could go for a burger and hot chips any day any time.


how are you going? - how are you doing?

     How are you going?

J

jug - pitcher
     Want to split a jug of Bulmers?

jumper - sweater (usually a light sweater)
     Don't forget to bring a jumper; it gets chilly at night.

L

lolly - candy
     Can I pleeeeaaaase get the bag of lollies????


love - babe

     Hey love, let me buy you a drink.

M

Maccas (sometimes spelled Mackers) - McDonalds

     Let's hit up Maccas for 50 cent ice cream and free wifi.

mate - friend, buddy

    I have a good mate who drives me to school.

mob - large group of kangaroos

    Want to grab a photo of the mob in the field?

mozzie - mosquito

    I'm getting eaten alive by the mozzies!

N

no drama (sometimes "no dramas") - no problem

     Thanks for the ride. No dramas.

note - bill

     Can you break a $50 note?

no worries - you're welcome

     Thanks for your help. No worries.

no wuckas - no fucking problem

     Thanks for the beer. No wuckas.

O

Outback - center arid Australia

     I'm going to the Outback at the end of May.

Oz - Australia

   What type of Oz phone did you get?

P

parma - parmigiana

     Union house has cheap parma specials once a week.

pedo - pedophile

    Back away from the pedo. 

pint - size large beer or cider

     I'll take a pint of Red.

pork pie - lie

    That's a pork pie.

pot - size small beer or cider

     You guys can take shots all you want, I'm happy with a pot of Boags.

R

rage - party

     He can rage all night and still make it to class in the morning.

ranga (derived from orangutan) - redhead (offensive)

     She'd be pretty if she weren't a ranga.

reffo - refugee

     Australia treats reffos horribly.

roo - kangaroo meat

    Roo is great for you because it's so lean, but be careful not to overcook it or it gets tough.

root - to fuck (in all definitions)

    (1) Buy a new ball, this one is rooted. (2) She's a mediocre root.

rubber - eraser
     I asked my mom to buy me a couple of rubbers but she said I'll only need one.


rubbish bin - garbage can

     Your essay belongs in the rubbish bin.

runners - sneakers

    You'll need runners for this hike.

S

Seppo - an American

     You're acting like a Seppo.

sheila - a girl 

    To my understanding, nobody uses the term 'sheila' anymore unless they're a loser or a bogan.

skull - chug

    Skull the rest of your goon and let's go to Turf.

snag - sausage

     Free snags on South Lawn at 1pm!

smoko - smoke break (sometimes used to mean coffee break also)

    She stepped out for smoko, but I can take a message.

strine - Aussie slang/pronunciation (sometimes refers to accent)

    Some tourists can't tell the difference between Aussie strine and a British accent.

sunnies - sunglasses

    Cute sunnies!

swag - roll up camping bedding, like a big sleeping bag

   You can rent a swag for camping in the Outback.

T

Ta - Thanks

     Ta.

Tassie - Tasmania, resident or product of Tasmania

     I had an INCREDIBLE time in Tassie.   

Tea - supper 

    When someone asks you to tea, come ready to eat a meal.

that's alright - you're welcome

     Thanks for breaking my $5 note. That's alright.

thongs - flip flops

    Please stop leaving your thongs in the middle of the floor.

toastie - grilled cheese (often with tomato and/or ham)

    I'll take a toastie and hot chips.

trackies - literally track suit, but has been used to mean sportswear

    This rehearsal will require you to wear trackies.

true blue - genuine Australian, almost patriotic

     I know a true blue meat pie when I taste one.

tutes - tutorials

   I have to leave now or I'll be late for tute.

U

Ugg boots - generic brand non-waterproof boots made of sheepskin to keep warm (American "Fuggs")

     Here Ugg is not a brand, it is a style of shoe.

uni - university

    I study Arts at Melbourne Uni.

ute - utility or pickup truck

   Look out for the ute coming into your lane!

V

vego - vegetarian

     I know this great vego restaurant on Swanston that's owned by the Hare Krishnas.

W

walkabout - an Aboriginal walk, usually for spiritual purpose, that lasts an indefinite amount of time

     I haven't seen him in weeks, ever since he left on that walkabout in the Outback.

whinge - complain

    I have a friend here who made a resolution to whinge less. Good for her.

no wuckas - no fucking problem

     Thanks for the beer. No wuckas.

X

XXXX - pronounced 4X, a beer made in Queensland which is supposed to have four Xs because of it's superior quality

     If beer has to prove that it's good by writing XXXX on it, it probably isn't.

Y

yakka - work

     I can't go out, I've got heaps of yakka to do.

Z

zed - the way Aussies pronounce the letter 'z' when spelling things out

     My last name is Zipkin: zed-ay-pee-kay-ay-en

Gay Marriage Rally

On March 26th, Melbourne united to rally for the legalization of gay marriage. Thousands met in front of the State Library to hear speakers from many different queer departments in Australia.

After the speeches, the two hosts performed Glee's version of "Don't Stop Believing." The entire crowd sang along, myself included despite my hatred of Glee.

The crowd was super excited to march after hearing the speeches, singing along to Glee, and partaking in a sign and donation collection competition. The winners of the sign competition were two guys who were dressed like devils with a sign that said something like "20 years of living in sin" and they won a night in a really trendy Melbourne hotel. The winner of the donation collection won tickets to "Rock of Ages" which is currently showing in Melbourne's Theatre District. After this photo, the crowd left to march and sing for gay marriage down Swanston street!

Although I consider myself an active supporter of gay rights, this was my first rally. Long story short: I cried like a child. It was truly beautiful to see so many different people united together for the same cause. I also loved that the rally was organized without anger or frustration. There was only music and performance and acceptance in the name of equal love. Rather than putting down the politicians, the speakers told us about the true love that they have found in their lives and how they plan on proposing. The message was vocalized in a positive way.

Epilogue

After the rally, I met up with a bunch of friends to go check out the shopping in the Direct Factory Outlets. Thinking nothing of it, I still held my "Equal Love" as I browsed through clothing. In one store, my friend Mellanie and I picked up the same dress and headed towards the dressing room where there was a HUGE line. I got to the front first, and asked the girl working if Mellanie and I could share a dressing room to make the line move faster. 

She took a look at my sign, which up until then I forgot I was holding, and said no.

I couldn't believe it. I was incredibly offended, not because she thought I was a lesbian because I think everyone who knows me knows how little I care about that but because she discriminated based on her rash judgment. This was especially shocking after coming from the rally where there was so much love and openmindedness.

The worker did change her mind in the end. I don't know if she noticed how long the line was or if she realized that she had done something incredibly immoral, but Mellanie joined me in the dressing room a couple of minutes later.

Taking this "walk in someone else's shoes" really did put the rally in perspective for me. I guess going to Brandeis and being part of the theater/dance/arts community at home and in Melbourne makes it easy to forget that homophobia still exists in the real world today. 

What this worker doesn't know is that I'm thankful for the experience. Because now I'm even more motivated to spread the word and join the movement!

Thai Festival

Melbourne is known as the culture capital of Australia, though as I mentioned in earlier posts there really isn't much racial diversity here. When I asked an Aussie friend about this paradox he said that it is true that Melbourne is the culture capital and it is simultaneously true that there is no diversity, because Aussie culture is white.
As racism is a big issue that Australia is currently facing, I was excited to see the celebration of Thai culture in the 8th Annual Thai food and culture festival at Federation Square.

A Thai festival not only meant that my new beloved home was embracing a non-white culture. It also (and more importantly) meant cheap amazing food, music, dancing, swordfighting and cooking demos!

Five things an ignorant American (like myself) can learn at a Thai festival:

Thai people bless and celebrate water

Thai dance contains elements similar to classical Indian dance and classical Chinese dance. Costumes are elaborate. These have tails. The six inch brass finger pieces are unique. They curl away from the hand and are used to accentuate the traditional hand gestures and movements.

Thai girls are beautiful. Thai beauty pageants are boring as hell. I left after 3 of the 13 girls were presented. Thai beauty pageant contestants wear high heels that are so tall and spiky, they should be registered as weapons.

Taro sticky rice looks like moldy porridge but tastes like heaven.

Pretty Thai girls do not like dancing with sketchy drummer boys. The girl on the front left plastered a fake smile on the whole time because creepydrummerboy (downstage right) was all up in her grill while she was trying to dance. She was a pretty dancer, but she looked so miserable.

At the end of the festival, there was a raffle to determine which audience member would win round trip tickets to Bangkok. 

Guess who didn't win.

I don't have the time or money to get over to Thailand yet, so I'm glad that Thailand came to me! It is a beautiful culture and I hope to go in the near future.